Godric's Hollow
by Black Ice
Summary: Her miscarriage and James' death left Lily hysterical and on the edge of insanity; institutionalized. This is the story of Lily, eleven years later, when she leaves St. Mungo's and ventures into the outside world, trying to rediscover herself. R/R
1. Prologue: Eleven years past to present

**This is the first part in my story. I guess that you could classify this story as an AU, but I'm not really sure. Well, for now just read, enjoy, and review. **

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Harry Potter. This story is part of my imagination and was not ripped off of anybody. 

Part One

__

Prologue: Eleven years past to present

Lily Potter looked into the mirror, crystal tears silently dripping down her cheeks. Three months ago everything had been going wonderfully. She'd celebrated her one-year wedding anniversary with her husband James by announcing her pregnancy. Both of them had been so happy. A child, something she'd wished for all her life. A little face to love and to cherish and to hold forever--or at least until the teenage years. Her parents had told her that she wasn't ready for one, that she was too young. They told her that she should have waited a few more years. But then her sister Petunia announced her pregnancy and they had been fine with it. Although delighted with Lily's accomplishments, they still were somewhat frightened of what their younger daughter had become. A witch, somebody who could make the unnatural happen. But even her abilities had betrayed her now. Her wand couldn't help her, neither could her charms. Nothing could fix what had happened. 

"Lily, what's wrong?" said a quiet voice. It belonged to Remus, one of her and James' most trusted and beloved friends. He walked over to her and placed his arm around the back of her chair. Lily looked up at his large, sorrowful eyes and blinked. Fresh tears began to fall from her face. She stood up and let Remus embrace her in his strong arms. 

"I can't tell you," she whispered. She felt Remus nod his head. Footsteps sounded on the stairs that led to the bedroom and the door violently swung open. 

"Lily, you'll never guess what happened today at work!" James started to yell. Lily looked at James and then the tears began to stream faster from her face. He probably thought that she was a weak minded fool right now. She glanced at his face and saw the deep look of genuine concern that spread across his entire face. She slowly allowed herself to be transferred from Remus to James, her tears now dripping onto her husband's shoulder instead of her best friends. James tightened his arms around her, allowing her to sob against his chest. 

"Lily," he said, his voice almost a whisper, "what's wrong?"

"You know how I've been sick for a couple of days?" Lily began, trying to calm herself down. She felt James nod his head, just as Remus had done earlier. 

"Are you alright?" he asked her, trying to remain calm. Remus watched the two and took a step back towards the door. 

"Maybe I should go…" his voice trailed off. Lily turned her head towards him and shook her head. Remus looked back towards them as if to ask if she was sure. Lily nodded her head and pulled away from James to face both of them. 

"I..." she began, not wanting to finish the sentence. "I..." the sobs returned to her and her body began to sway back and forth. 

"You what?" James said, a little more urgently. Lily stepped back at his alarmed voice and fell onto the bed.

"I lost the baby," she whispered so quietly that it almost wasn't heard. Remus gasped and quickly left the room, his footsteps sounding on the stairs as he fled from the house. James walked over to the bed and fell down beside Lily. 

"When?" he whispered, placing his arms around Lily. She violently shrugged them off. James looked at her with hurtful eyes, but Lily ignored them. She looked down at her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"This morning," she whispered. She gave a loud sob and leaned onto James' shoulder. She allowed him to pull her into a tight hug, his tears joining hers. She leaned her head onto his chest and continued to sob. The two stayed in that position for the rest of the night.

~~Eleven Years Later~~

_Stand aside, girl! _

Lily, run! I'll hold him off. 

James! No!

Lily Potter… James was found dead in the wreckage of Godric's Hollow last night.

It can't be true…

Lily, run! I'll hold him off.

We the jury find Sirius Black guilty of relaying the whereabouts of James and Lily Potter to he-who-must-not-be-named.

Lily, run! I'll hold him off.

No! I'll stay and fight with you!

No, I can't let you die Lily. Run!

I love you James.

He's dead, Lily.

Sirius Black, murderer of his one-time best friend was put into Azkaban yesterday. 

Peter Pettigrew dead in relation to the murder of James Potter.

No, I can't let you die Lily. Run!

Sirius Black found to have also murdered Peter Pettigrew.

I love you, James.

James! No.

No, I can't let you die Lily. Run!

It's your fault, your fault. If you hadn't chosen Sirius, he'd be alive.

I love you, James.

Lily Potter… James was found dead in the wreckage of Godric's Hollow last night.

"Lily…Lily!" a nurse shook her shoulder. Lily snapped out of the trance that she so often fell into when she began to think about what had happened over the last two years. She had lost James, Sirius, and Peter all in one night. Remus was the only one left, but he rarely visited her because werewolves were not allowed into St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. On special occasions a nurse would sneak him into her room and he would stay, hidden from the world in James's old invisibility cloak, speaking to her. She would answer and none of the doctors suspected that anything was wrong, because she had always made a point of talking to herself.

The nurse handed her a handful of white and light green pills. The one thing that hadn't changed about hospitals was that they still gave their patients far to many pills and tablets. Not everything could be solved by medications. Some magical aliments needed to be resolved within. 

"Do I have to?" Lily asked dully, trying to keep her eyes away from the nurses. The nurse lifted Lily's chin and forced her to make eye contact. She nodded her head. Lily dutifully swallowed the pills and almost immediately felt the sedatives beginning to take affect. She lay down on the bed, hoping that sleep would overcome her and she would be able to rest without any more nightmares. 

A knocking noise sounded on the door. "You have a visitor," another nurse called. Lily struggled to sit up in her bed, but the medication seemed to be limiting her movement. Her nurse grabbed her arms and helped her into sitting position. Lily's head slumped forwards, her red hair hiding her face.

"Lily, do you remember me?" a man with a long white beard asked her. Lily looked up and smiled. 

"Dumbledore," she whispered. Dumbledore was the one constant thing in her life. He visited her frequently and never asked anything of her. Suddenly, anger began to swell up into her body. Dumbledore was the one who had suggested using a Secret-Keeper to protect her and James. He had gone ahead and let them use Peter; although nobody knew that they had changed. It was her secret, one that she didn't feel like divulging. 

"Yes Lily," he whispered. Lily tried to smile, but she couldn't seem to make the right muscles in her mouth work. They all clamped together, leaving her with a permanent frown. "I have news for you Lily. The doctors say that you'll be ready for the outside world again soon. You'll be let out of St. Mungo's."

"No," Lily whispered. This room had become her home. Her place of solitude, filled with the knowledge and secrets that she wasn't about to share. 

"Yes Lily. I've arranged for you to take a job at Hogwarts. You'll be my assistant." Dumbledore looked straight at Lily. She was unable to avoid his piercing eyes. Eyes were so personal, eyes were the one thing that she must fight and flee from. Eyes made connections that she did not wish to keep. 

"Fine," Lily whispered, unable to argue. She lay down on the bed and turned away from Dumbledore. She heard him leave the room, his feet padding softly against the carpeted floor. The sedatives started to take a greater affect on her, leaving Lily to fall back into her dream world. A world where nothing had gone wrong; where everything was perfect. Her own utopia. 

Then Lily Potter did something that almost nobody had seen her do since her wedding day. Lily Potter smiled.


	2. Confession

****

Hey--sorry it took so long to write this. I'm experiencing temporary writer's block due to the absence of my Muse, Frodo. I like getting parts out as regularly as possible, so hopefully the next one will be out within a week. Oh--I made some changes to chapter one, so go back and read over it if you get confused. It's simple, actually. Two years was changed to eleven years for the sake of Lily going to Hogwarts when Hermione and Ron start, but that won't happen for a few chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, wish I did though.

Part Two:

__

Confession

Six months. Six months of staring at the serene white walls with their ugly calming blue border. Six months of waiting after Dumbledore had promised her freedom. Six months of sedatives, of sleep inducing pills, of mind-numbing sessions with the psychiatrist. Six months of what she had deemed hell. But it was worth it. She was finally about to be free. She had spent about eleven years at St. Mungo's, in the same room, watching as people left and were readmitted. Watching a young blond boy visit his parents every month. His parents didn't recognize the boy. If James came back to life, would he recognize her now? 

Lily got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom that was adjacent to her room. She looked into the mirror for the first time in months. An unrecognizable face stared back at her. Her hair was matted and uneven in length. Her once bright eyes were now dull and highlighted with dark bags underneath them. Lily slowly turned on the sink and splashed her face with water, trying to rid herself of the unknown face. She looked back into the mirror. The same dirty and disgusting girl stared back at her. Angered, Lily's fist shot forward and into the glass. 

"You didn't need to do that, I'm only showing you the truth," the mirror said irritably. The mirror was undamaged, but the same wasn't true about Lily's fist. She was bleeding at the knuckles. She slowly allowed the cold water to run over her hand, stinging the cuts that decorated it. 

"Lily Potter," she heard from behind her. Her nurse stood in the doorway, watching as Lily guiltily sucked on her fingers, drawing the blood into her mouth. She turned around and spat, the dark liquid running down the sides of the basin. 

"Yes?" she answered quietly. The nurse walked over to her and pulled out her wand. Lily felt the cuts heal on her fingers. The mirror thankfully remained silent.

"Are you ready to go?" the nurse asked, suspicion rising her voice. Lily didn't bother to answer the question and allowed herself to be led out of the bathroom and into her bedroom. A small bag containing her few possessions was lying on the floor. Lily picked it up and followed the nurse out of her room. She glanced back over her shoulder. She was glad to be rid of the white walls, the serene environment. She would be entering the world of the hostile, the uninviting, the unwilling. 

"Lily," she heard. Dumbledore next to the door, beckoning to her. The nurse exchanged glances with him and handed him a small package. He silently led the way out of the lobby of St. Mungo's. Lily suddenly felt chilled as the cool August air hit her face. It had been years since she had been outside. 

"I figured that we'd take the Knight Bus. I don't think you're ready to Apparate," Dumbledore said. He started a steady line of mindless chatter, most of which Lily ignored. The trees, the leaves, the ground--it was all so unfamiliar. She stopped and stooped down, grasping a handful of the dirt in her hand and letting it sift through her fingers. 

"You've had a lot of publicity…" Dumbledore trailed on. Although almost ten feet behind him and ignoring most of what he said, this particular sentence caught her attention. She quickly stood up and allowed the rest of the dirt to fall to the ground. 

"What?" she asked sharply. Dumbledore looked at her, his eyes full of concern. The tone that Lily had used was one that she hadn't used in almost eleven years. It was as if she was regaining a part of her past self, a part that she had lost when she had lost her baby. Dumbledore allowed Lily to catch up with him and pulled a small scrap of parchment out of his pocket. Lily Potter released from St. Mungo's, the headline read. Lily looked at Dumbledore and then continued to read. 

Lily Potter released from St. Mungo's

Rita Skeeter

Lily Potter, whose husband James Potter was killed by he-who-must-not-be-named, is to be released from St. Mungo's tomorrow. Potter, who lost her unborn child and husband within a year of each other, has been there for over eleven years. When asked if Potter is mentally stable, doctors replied that "she's been here for eleven years, she'll never fully recover…" Potter will be released into the care of Albus Dumbledore and be given the position of his personal assistant. When asked why he is taking her in, Dumbledore replied, "She may still be keeping secrets….secrets that could help us to figure out exactly what happened that night." Doctors have asked that reporters stay clear of St. Mungo's tomorrow when Potter is leaving.

"You're taking me in out of pity," she stated when she finished reading. Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. 

"No, Lily. I'm taking you in because I know that you know something. I know that you aren't telling us something about what happened that night," Dumbledore paused and looked Lily straight in the eyes. "Something isn't right. And you know what it is." 

Lily looked down at the ground. It had really been eleven years, eleven years of hiding the truth. Eleven years of a friendless, pointless existence, one that she could have easily fixed. She looked back at Dumbledore, meeting his eyes. "Sirius…Voldemort…" she trailed off, not completing her sentence. 

"You don't have to worry. Sirius is still in Azkaban and Voldemort--well…he's gone." Dumbledore sighed and looked over at Lily. "He was destroyed shortly after the attack. Nobody really knows how. It was as if he just burst into flames, something must have gone wrong that none of us know about."

"No, Sirius…" Lily interrupted. Dumbledore looked at her with interest in his eyes. Lily mustered all the courage she could get and looked straight ahead. "Sirius…innocent. He wasn't our secret keeper." The moment she said it, she felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from her chest. She heard Dumbledore's gasp of surprise as she turned around and stared at the landscape surrounding St. Mungo's. She felt as if she was truly free now. Truly free of the home she had made for herself inside of her head for the last eleven years. Truly free of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. 

**__**

I'd also like to thank Katherine aka Star _(She kept it a secret because I wanted to stick as closely to the original HP plot line as possible)_, Llynya, myself, crazed spyromaniac, and AgiVega _(I actually didn't think of this until after you pointed it out, but no, Lily was not pregnant again. Petunia announced her pregnancy to Lily several months into it because they aren't on the greatest of terms. Thanks for reading this.)_

-Black Ice


	3. Diagon Alley

****

Hello out there! This part has some lines taken directly from the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. The lines are from pages 76-77. Since Harry doesn't exsist in this story, I've changed who the characters (Hagrid and Draco) were talking to when they said what they said. However, the general gist is about the same.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. 

Part Three: 

__

Diagon Alley

Dumbledore's blue eyes met Lily's green one at her announcement. Lily looked away, ashamed. She had allowed one of her closest friends to remain in an awful place because she had wanted to keep her secret, she had wanted to forget what had happened. Sirius visiting her would have led to memories of James. The two were so close; almost brothers. Sirius around would lead to pain, to remembrance, to tears. More tears then she could handle. 

"Lily," Dumbledore's quiet voice broke into her thoughts. "I don't understand why you kept this a secret. If Sirius was an innocent man, why did you allow him to stay in Azkaban?"

"I don't know," Lily responded. Shame filled her head and her face began to turn a light shade of red. "I guess I needed a secret."

Dumbledore nodded. He seemed to understand what Lily had been trying to say. Without responding, he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "This will complicate things. But I'll need your help to prove him innocent." He turned around to face her. Lily was unable to break his penetrating blue gaze. "This complicates things immensely. I'm going to need you to go to Diagon Alley with Hagrid instead of myself, as I had intended. I need to go and meet with the ministry." He suddenly stopped walking. Lily realized that they had reached a small hut about a mile away from St. Mungo's. The hut was made up of logs, crudely thrown together and held with piles of mud. Despite its rickety appearance, it seemed to be quite stable. 

"I'm going to Apparate to the ministry," Dumbledore instructed, his eyes lacking their normal glint. He pulled a bag out of a small wooden box in the corner. "This contains your wand, a few Galleons, and the few things that were salvaged from the wreckage at Godric's Hollow. You aren't allowed to Apparate, so I highly advise you to use floo powder to get to Diagon Alley. Hagrid will meet you there." Dumbledore disappeared, leaving Lily in the cabin, alone with her thoughts.

The fireplace in the cabin had a continuous blue, red, and orange flame protruding from it. A small bottle stood next to it, containing a shiny silverish powder. Lily cautiously took a pinch and tossed it into the fire. The flames turned an unnatural shade of green and almost beckoned Lily to enter their midst. Lily took a deep breath and took the bag and stepped into the fire.

"Diagon Alley," she pronounced as clearly as possible. She felt herself spin off into the unknown, still clutching her bag. The darkness seemed to engulf her, twisting and turning her as she flew through its clutches. Suddenly, she felt herself being deposited into another fireplace. Screams and laughter suddenly filled her ears as she surveyed her surroundings. Women bustling around with packages, men entering the Three Broomsticks, and children watching as the display in Quality Quidditch Supplies changed to display the newest model of the Nimbus broom line occupied the streets. Lily watched in amazement as the scenes interwove through each other. It had been so long since her own first experience with Diagon Alley. 

"You going to move, ma'am?" an unknown man walked over to Lily. His voice had an almost bored tone to it. He followed Lily's eyes through the crowd. "Loud, isn't it?"

"Yes," was all that Lily could manage to express. Clutching her bag, she stepped out of the fireplace and into a rather large room. A series of goblins lined either side of the room, waving their pointed fingers at customers, often reducing them to tears.

"Ma'am?" the man continued, snapping Lily out of her trance. She looked towards him and then heard a small crashing noise behind her as five people piled out of the fireplace, all rubbing various parts of their body. 

"Yes?" 

"I almost hate to ask you this, but are you Lily Potter?" the man's eyes widened with the feeling of suspicion that was flowing through his body. 

"Ummm...no," Lily lied. She quickly diverted her eyes and walked out of Gringotts. The street was as busy as the first time she had been to Diagon Alley, more than twenty years ago. 

"Lily Potter, is that yeh?" a familiar voice called out. Lily covered her face and winced at how loudly her name had been announced to the public. Everybody knew her story, everybody knew her life, nothing was a secret anymore.

"Yes," she whispered. She felt herself being pulled into a bone-crushing hug. Within seconds, she knew who was responsible for the hug. "Hagrid."

"Lily, it's great ter see yeh," Hagrid said, letting her go. Lily took a deep breath and cautiously looked around her. Nobody seemed to notice her. That was good. "Why don't yeh go down the Madam Malkin's? I goin' fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Cauldron," he continued, eyeing the pub. Lily quickly nodded her head and walked away from Hagrid. She was eager to get away from his loud voice. A few minutes later she stepped into the shop. It was the same as she remembered it; stout witches fitting Hogwart first years, older wizards looking reluctantly at bright colored robes while their wives pressed them to get new clothes, and Madam Malkin herself, the one who greeted all at the door. Lily nodded her head slightly as Madam Malkin welcomed her into the store and quickly burrowed herself in the racks of dark colored robes and cloaks that were marked ten percent off. New robes and at least one cloak were a necessity; her old ones were ragged from the wear and tear they received at St. Mungo's. She quickly chose three robes, one black, one dark blue, and one a dark green. She pulled a black cloak off of the rack and started towards the counter when she noticed a young blond boy standing on top of a stool while a hassled witch tried to fit his robes. A young girl with a curly mass of brown hair tentatively stepped onto the stool next to him.

"Hello," the blond boy said, "Hogwarts too?"

The girl looked slightly scared. Lily felt a pang go to her heart. She was obviously Muggle-born, like herself. The girl gave a quick yes to the blond boy and looked away, trying to look confident as the witch magically pinned up the hem of the robe she had on.

"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands." The girl gave him a slightly scared look at the mention of wands, but then covered it up. "Then I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first years can't have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow." The girl looked away. Lily recognized the look on her face. It was one of trying to fit in, trying to know what they were talking about.

"Have _you_ got your own broom?" he asked her. The girl looked as if she couldn't contain herself anymore.

"No," she said with a loud confident voice. Lily and the boy were both startled as she looked over at him. "I'm new here. I don't know anything about what you're talking about."

"Muggle-born?" the boy said with a slightly sarcastic tone of voice. 

"If you mean I'm born to regular, non-magical people, then yes," she replied crisply, stepping down from the stool. She walked over to two scared-looking adults by the door and held out the robes that the witch had handed her. "Mum and Dad, these are what I need for next year. Let's go and pick out a wand now, ok?" they both nodded their heads and the man walked over to the counter to pay for the robes. Lily watched as the blond boy rolled his eyes as they left. 

"Ouch. Don't do that or I'll tell Father and he'll make you pay," the boy said to the witch. She looked slightly upset, but continued to pin up the hem of his robe.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm sorry," she said with a sarcastic tone of voice as she continued pinning the hem the exact same way as she had before. Malfoy sneered and looked away, surveying the room as if he owned it.

"Don't do it again," he commanded. Lily felt his eyes glance over at her. "You there, come out here," he commanded. Lily rolled her eyes and tried to look engrossed in the neon and pastel colored robes on the rack she was standing behind. 

"Me?" she said confidently, as if she hadn't spent the last eleven years trying to pull herself together. Malfoy stood up tall and tried to look important.

"You," he commanded. Lily felt more than a little stupid as she followed the eleven-year-olds commands. "You look like the picture of the woman in the Daily Prophet. Are you Lily Potter?" It felt as if time had been frozen in the shop. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Lily's face turned as bright red as her hair as she pulled a pale red robe off of the rack. She ran up to the counter and placed all five of her purchases on it. She barely heard the price that the woman gave her as she shoved some gold into her hand without waiting for change. 

"Well, are you?" Malfoy said from the stool where he still stood. Lily pushed her way towards the door, hauling the bag of her old belongings and the bag of robes behind her. Suddenly, a tall man stepped through the door blocking her path. 

"Please move," Lily whispered. The man looked towards Malfoy and then back at Lily. With an evil smile, he shook his head. 

"Are you?" Malfoy asked again, his voice growing impatient. Lily tried to squeeze around the man, but he easily took a step sideways and blocked her path again. 

"Answer my son's question," he commanded, his voice as smooth as Malfoy's. 

"Yes," Lily whispered reluctantly. The entire store let out a collective sigh of excitement and fear, seemingly mixed together. Eyes swept over her, then looked away when she glanced at them. Finally, Madam Malkin herself stepped forward. She walked tentatively towards Lily. Lily still remembered her from her first days here. 

_Honey, you'll be fine at Hogwarts. Don't worry. Magic is easy and I can tell that you'll have a fine time. It doesn't matter that you're Muggle-born. You'll catch up in a matter of days. None of them have performed magic either. At least not legally, that is. _

But I don't know anybody.

You'll meet people soon. What do you think the feasts and the common rooms are for? Everybody has gone through what you are. You don't need to worry about anything. Send me an owl if you need somebody to talk to.

Really Madam Malkin? Won't you be busy.

I've taken a liking to you, Lily Evans. I can tell that you're going to be somebody great. Come back and visit me whenever your robes are getting to small. 

Then she had smiled. Madam Malkin had smiled at Lily and led her to the door. Lily had felt her fears flow out of her body and be replaced by a tiny feeling of confidence, one that had followed her to Hogwarts the following week. Madam Malkin was approaching her wearing the same smile, the one that had comforted her so many years ago. It had the same affect on her as it had then. She stopped a few paces away and frowned for a second, then the smile reentered her lips. 

"You've grown, dear," she said, walking over to Lily. "But welcome back." She embraced Lily in a hug. The entire store seemed to come closer to Lily, all whispering the same welcome home as Madam Malkin had. Malfoy remained on the stool, alone and forgotten. 

"Welcome home," Madam Malkin said again. Lily felt the confidence reassert itself. She felt almost the way she had when she had first married James. "Welcome back to the real world. You'll find that it isn't as different as it was."

**__**

Thank you to Hazelmist (Harry doesn't play a different part in this. However, your question will be answered in the following chapters. The point of my story is to show how life is different because Harry isn't there.) _Crazed Spyromaniac (_thanks!) _and Wigginout (_I want to follow the story line. I'm actually looking forward to writing about the opening feast--hopefully the next chapter or so!)

-_Black Ice_


	4. Charity Case

****

Hey. I'm really really sorry that I took so long to write this part. Finals and my job and everything have been piling up lately and something had to give. Plus my muse Frodo left me for some time, which made it very hard to become motivated to actually write this. But I finally got into it. I'm hoping that the next part will be out soon. As soon as finals are over, I'm hoping to go back to posting a new part every weekend or so. Thanks! 

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but this plotline is my original work.

Chapter Four:

Charity Case

Lily left Madam Malkin's with a feeling of contentment. So many people in the store had been happy to have her back. Only a few of them had given her the looks that she had expected. The few were greatly outweighed by the rest, however. She felt happy, happier then she'd been in years. In fact, she hadn't felt this happy since her wedding day. 

_Her wedding day…_ Lily's euphoric state abruptly ended. Thinking of her wedding day reminded her of James. She tried to pull herself out of the slum she had reentered, but had no luck. She was finally free, free to live her new life. James, James was dead. She'd never see him again, she'd never feel his arms around her, never taste his sweet kisses, never see him ever again. Lily stopped and sat down in a chair at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. Madam Malkin's was across the street, still in view, but the happiness she had felt there didn't catch up with her. She wished that Dumbledore or Hagrid could have been there. They might have been able to pull her out of the sadness that had engulfed her. But neither of them were there. Neither were anywhere close to where she was and neither could help her at this moment. The streets seemed to be full of people, jeering, taunting, teasing, and waving.

The apothecary could barely be seen from her chair on the edge of the ice cream parlor, but she could still see it. She could also see a slightly familiar man walking, now running, towards her, waving his hand far above his head. His light brown hair was streaked with gray and his tired face was lit up with a huge smile. Lily looked away. This man was probably looking at somebody who was farther down the street, not at the redhead recently released from a mental hospital. 

"Do you want anything to eat, dear?" a smallish witch asked Lily. Lily turned her attention to the waitress, ordering a small cup of chocolate ice cream. She felt deep into her pocket and realized she had spent the last of her gold on the robes that were in a bag by her feet. Lily gave herself a mental slap when she remembered that she had forgotten to take more gold out of her vault when she had been at Gringott's. She hastily raised her hand to cancel the order, but the witch had already disappeared. Lily looked frantically at the ground, searching for a dropped Knut or a lost Sickle, but there were none. The witch reappeared, holding Lily's order and placed it in front of her.

"Six Sickles," she said, waiting for Lily to hand her the silver. Lily looked up at her with embarrassment spreading all over her face.

"I seem to have misplaced my bag of gold, I can't pay you. Do you mind taking this away?" she asked, quickly rising. The witch curtly nodded her head and picked up the cup of ice cream. 

"No, I'll pay. And bring another, please," Lily heard a slightly familiar voice command the witch. She shrugged and placed the ice cream back down on the table. Lily looked over at her mysterious admirer and her face broke into another large smile. It was the waving man, but now that he was closer to her she recognized him. It was Remus. 

"Thanks," she whispered, casting her eyes downwards. Remus rarely had enough money to get himself new clothing. The potion that he took monthly had a lot of costly ingredients and Remus always said that it was more important for him to be safe once a month then it was for him to be well dressed. "I'll pay you back later," Lily continued. Remus nodded his head and then got up from the table, pulling Lily with him. He pulled her into a tight hug. 

"It's so good to have you back," he whispered. Lily felt a small twinge in her stomach and hugged him back as tightly as he hugged her. Remus pulled back from the embrace and looked at her. "You haven't that much. You just look pale."

Lily gave him a look and then ate a spoonful of her ice cream. The chocolate tasted delicious. She hadn't had chocolate since before she'd entered St. Mungo's. They hadn't allowed her any sort of sweet there, it'd been all the necessary food servings and nothing more. The focus of St. Mungo's had been to get the patients well, not provide them with sweets. Lily continued to enjoy her ice cream and unintentionally ignore Remus. 

"Lily? Lily?" she heard Remus calling, knocking her out of her thoughts. Lily looked at Remus, slightly annoyed. She placed the last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, savoring the chocolate flavor until the last bit slipped down her throat and into her stomach. She then looked up at Remus. He was half alarmed, waving his hand in her face. Lily playfully batted it away. 

"What?" she asked. Remus' face slowly relaxed.

"I said, the newspaper said you were working at Hogwarts. Is that true?" Lily's mind flew to the newspaper clipping and then to Dumbledore's earlier announcement. She nodded her head. Remus looked at her with a small delighted smile. "I'm taking the post as Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. Quirell took last year off of school and decided that instead of coming back, he'd continue. He's having quite a good time out there."

Lily looked at Remus, then back at the table. She had just gotten out of St. Mungo's. Dumbledore had secured her a job at Hogwarts so that he could keep an eye on her. Now Remus was going to be at Hogwarts. Was it so that he could keep an eye on her as well? Anger started to swell within her. She felt her cheeks begin to turn a bright red color. 

"Lily, what's wrong?" Remus asked. Lily looked at him, anger starting to blaze in her eyes. 

"Are you there to keep an eye on me?" she challenged. "Like Dumbledore? The only reason I got that job was because he has to make sure I don't go crazy again. Come on, is that why you're there too? Admit it." Lily felt her old temper start to come back. It had come in handy when she was dealing with Sirius and James on a daily basis. Right now though, it seemed that it had hurt someone more then it had helped her. Remus looked saddened. 

"Lily, I thought that you'd be happy. I'm not there to keep an eye on you. I'm there because I can't find paying work because of who I am. Dumbledore kindly gave me a job. It was purely a coincidence that you got a job there too." Remus looked Lily straight in the eye. "And I though that you would be pleased to have at least one _friend_ around. You do know that Snape's working there, don't you?"

Lily sat there, the shame washing over her body. She sometimes had problems judging the motivation of people. All the doctors at St. Mungo's had been that way. _Come on Lily, take your pills. _They were getting paid for it, no need to make sure she actually did it. They didn't care, as long as a nice sum of Galleons from her account made it's way into theirs. _Lily, take your pills. It isn't going to help you if you ignore them._ How many Galleons had been transferred to their accounts over the years? And they had no real reason for helping her--or so she believed.

Turning her mind briefly back to what Remus had just said, Lily quickly answered, "Yes, I do." Dumbledore hadn't told her who else was on the staff, but then again, technically she wasn't on the staff. She was only his assistant and that wasn't a real teaching job. She had never actually seen Dumbledore with an assistant before. Most likely he had made up the position and given it to her, just to keep an eye on her. 

"Where are you staying?" Remus asked, once again knocking her out of her previous thoughts. Lily looked as far down Diagon Alley as she could, then back up it. 

"I don't know," she replied. "Hagrid will probably tell me. Dumbledore's at the Ministry getting some things sorted out."

"Something things?" Remus asked. Lily continued her search down Diagon Alley, ignoring the question. Her eyes traveled from shop to shop. Excited Hogwarts students and their parents raced in and out of the stores, their packages hitting their ankles as they walked. Other people meekly walked from store to store, trying to understand the difference between a wand and a hollow stick. Her eyes stopped on the un-eaten ice cream that sat in front of Remus. Her eyes traveled from the chocolate to Remus' face. He was somewhat grim, but his eyes held some of their cheeriness. 

"Sirius," Lily whispered. Remus sat up straight in his chair and looked Lily directly in the eyes. "He's innocent. Dumbledore's getting him out of Azkaban." Remus let out a gust of breath making Lily realize that he'd been holding his. 

"He's not going to be happy with you," Remus said, his eyes showing the fear that they always had when somebody told him that it was almost the full moon. "He's not going to be very happy with you at all." Remus looked pensive for a moment and then changed the subject. "The term doesn't start for a week. Why don't you come and stay with me?" 

Lily looked at Remus. She could tell that he was serious about his proposal. She didn't want to be a burden to him, but she also didn't want to be a charity case taken to Hogwarts early because she had no where else to go. Hagrid wasn't her bodyguard and she could owl Dumbledore when she got there. She looked at Remus and nodded her head. He immediately broke into a large smile that lit up his face. He almost looked seventeen again, when they'd all graduated from Hogwarts. 

"I have to go to Gringott's and get some money," she told him quickly. "But I'll be right back. Eat your ice cream." She got up from the table leaving her bags underneath it and a very happy Remus savoring the chocolate ice cream as he slowly ate it and awaited her return. Lily walked as fast as she could to Gringott's. Something inside of her told her to hurry back, told her that this was something good to do. It was a step towards becoming herself again. It was going to make her a new and lively person. She was going to be all right.

****

A/N: Has anybody else noticed how temperamental ff.net is being? I couldn't post this when I was finished with it. Anyway, thanks to _XxXTonuXxXChickXxX_, **_crazed spyromaniac_****_, and QueenoftheQueer. _I hope you guys come back and read this since it took me so long to write it. **

Writers Block=hopefully over!

****


	5. Letters from the Vault

****

Jeez, for some reason ff.net doesn't want this part to be shown. I've been trying forever to get it up. I'm hoping to write more, but I'm suffering from un-temporary writer's block. Frodo, it seems, has left on a long vacation and didn't tell me where he was going ahead of time. I've started the next part, however I'm not sure when I'll finish it. I'm hoping to get Lily to Hogwarts in the next few chapters, but the ending of this chapter is inevitable and needed to be where it was. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black all belong to J.K. Rowling.

Part Five:

__

Letters in the Vault

Obtaining her money from Gringott's was an easier task then she thought it would be. The goblins didn't care about her name or former occupation, only that she had her key and that she knew her vault number. Other than that, the identity of Lily Potter was a mystery to them. She waited for a few moments until a goblin was free to take her down to the vault. She quickly opened it when she arrived. The piles of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts never ceased to amaze her. James had inherited a small fortune from his parents and she'd received the equivalent to get her through a Muggle college from hers. Combined, the two had a large sum between them. Lily swept a pile of Galleons into her leather bag, then decided to grab some smaller change incase she needed it. After she had placed the Sickles and Knuts into her bag, she noticed a small square piece of parchment in the corner of the vault. She pulled it towards her and noticed that it was made of the same heavy parchment as the Hogwarts letters, however it was simply addressed "Lily Potter" in black ink instead of the normal emerald green. 

"Are you ready to go?" the goblin asked her from the cart. Lily hastily pocketed the letter and closed the vault door. The ride back to the bank was bumpy and felt like the roller coaster ride that Petunia had dragged her on when they were little. The minute the cart came to a stop, Lily jumped out clutching her stomach and forgetting about the parchment in her pocket. She stumbled towards the exit, clutching her bags and trying not to be sick.

"Lily Potter!" a familiar voice called out. Lily turned around to see Hagrid standing by the door, his face with a reddish tint to it. "Where are yeh goin'?"

"I'm going to stay with Remus until the beginning of the school year," Lily replied curtly. She was a grown adult; she could make her own decisions. 

"But Dumbledore told me teh take yeh to Hogwarts meself," Hagrid protested. Lily shook her head and looked down the street. Remus was standing in the distance looking worriedly up and down the street.

"Hagrid, tell him where I went, will you? I'm a grown adult, I can make my own decisions." Hagrid looked thoughtful then slowly nodded his head. Lily walked down the street towards Remus without saying goodbye to Hagrid. As she walked, she opened her bag and got out six Sickles. When she reached Remus, she pressed them into his hand.

"Let's go," she said. Remus began to lead her towards the wall that led to the Leaky Cauldron. He pressed several bricks on the wall and silently walked in. 

"We're going to have to take the Muggle underground," he said, laughing at Lily's confused look as he held the door to Muggle London open for her. Lily nodded and followed him out the door and towards the stairs that would take them to their destination. Hagrid's worried look started to play repeatedly in her mind. Why would Dumbledore want her at work a week before the term started? He could come and get her if he wanted to. 

"Down here," Remus said, handing some Muggle coins to the woman in a booth. He went through the gate and beckoned for Lily to follow him. 

"Why so silent?" Remus asked, looking concerned. The train doors opened in front of them and they walked in and sat down. Lily put her head in her hands and shook her head.

"They all treat me like a child," she whispered. "When are they going to realize that I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions and even though I spent the last eleven years in St. Mungo's, that doesn't make me a delinquent!" she raised her head an sat back in the seat with the last statement. She felt Remus's arm reach out and wrap around her shoulder. 

"I don't think that you're a child," he said. Lily was about to shrug off his arm, but then thought better of it. She liked the feeling. She leaned over and put her head on his shoulder. "And I'm glad you're back," he whispered. It was the last thing he said for the rest of the ride.

~~

"This is my room," Remus said as he showed her around his small cottage on the edge of a small village. The cottage was neat, yet somewhat shabby, almost like Remus himself. Lily let herself be led to the next room. It was very small and had a small bed frame and mattress in the corner. A small chest of drawers stood against the wall. The room was well lit and friendly, although shabby. Remus walked over and put Lily's bags on the bed. "This is my guest room, but I guess that you can tell I don't have guests very often," he said, looking slightly embarrassed. 

"I understand," Lily said. She knew that it would have been more appropriate to fall into Remus's arms in a bone-crushing hug and exclaim the rooms' perfection, but Remus would be more embarrassed then happy over the not-so subtle lies. She knew that he didn't get very many guests because few wizards would associate with a werewolf, no matter how tame he was. It was the kind of bigotry that followed somebody, no matter how kind and loving, through their entire life and nothing would ever change that. 

"Bathroom is the second door on the left and don't go in the room at the end of the hall," Remus concluded the tour, knocking Lily out of her train of thought. She was about to ask why, but then realized that it was probably the room that Remus used for transformations every month. 

She looked at her watch. It was late, but not late enough for her to go to bed. She yawned, placing her hand politely over her mouth. Remus looked at her and laughed. "Go to sleep," he said. "You've had a long day."

"I'm not tired," Lily insisted, punctuating the sentence with another yawn. Remus laughed again and grabbed her bags and dumped them on the floor. He took out his wand and waved it. Sheets appeared on the once barren mattress and after a moment, a dark forest green comforter appeared on top of the sheets. Lily walked over to the bed and lay down on it. 

"Lily?" Remus asked, his wand pointed at the floor. Lily sat up on the bed looked at Remus. "Do you ever miss him?"

"Every day. But it hurts too much to think about it. I spent the last eleven years trying to get over what happened. I don't want to think about it now." Lily's tone had finality to it that Remus hadn't heard from her in a long time. He decided it would be best to simply nod and whisper "Nox" and leave the room. With his exit, Lily lay down once again on the newly made up bed. Contrary to her yawns, she wasn't tired at all. Remus's question had struck a nerve with her. She really didn't want to think about James and about how he was gone and she survived. She didn't want to think about how she'd never see him again, about how ordered her to run He'd known that he wouldn't be able to hold Voldemort off by himself. He'd known that he was going to die that night. And he'd left her, alone and powerless, to fend for herself. Why didn't he know that she didn't want to live without him? 

Lily's thoughts soon clouded her head. James...Sirius...miscarriage. Nothing seemed to be right about the situation at hand. Her thoughts then abruptly turned to Remus and how she had felt when she was with him today. It had been like the early days with James. When she'd left for the vault he had been so happy that she was going to stay with her, so unhurt by her earlier accusations. _The vault._

Lily sprung out of bed, ignoring the loud creak it gave off. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the parchment envelope with her name on it. She could barely see, only natural light filled the room and that was gone, it being late. Lily took a few quick steps over to where Remus had put her bags and put her hand inside one of them. After feeling around inside of it, she determined that the bag held nothing more then some books and other possessions salvaged from the wreckage at Godric's Hollow. The second bag contained the robes she had purchased earlier that day. However, the third bag had what she had been looking for: a long narrow box. She pulled the box out of the bag and opened it, the contents sliding into her hand. 

"Lumos," she whispered. The wand let off a dampened glow. Lily triumphantly walked back over to the bed and lay down, the wand light flickering next to her on the bed. She slowly pulled the letter out of her pocket and opened it. She pulled out a small photograph and a folded piece of parchment. The photograph was of James and her on their wedding day. James was laughing and waving at the camera. She wore an expression of doubt but suddenly the photographic Lily began to laugh as Sirius jumped into the picture. That was just like him, always the center of attention even when it was clearly an event made for somebody else. Lily gave a short laugh, then turned her attention to the parchment. Her hands suddenly became clammy as she unfolded the paper and began to read it. 

_My dearest Lily, _

If you are reading this now, I'm probably dead. I put this letter into the vault a few days ago and plan to remove it before you would see it, unless something has happened to me. I want to let you know that I love you, and no matter what happens in the next few weeks, I'll always love you. I have the feeling that something is going to happen to one of us. Peter has changed and I'm getting nervous. I want you to know that there is enough money in the vault to support you for a long time. I also want you to know that it's ok. I never blamed you for the loss of our child. I won't blame you if you choose to move on with your life. Please don't spend your life in sorrow. I hated it when you were sad and it would bring me peace to know that the Lily I fell in love with was happy and content. 

I love you and will cherish you forever. Remember me. 

James

"Oh James," Lily whispered, her eyes filling with tears. She quickly whispered "Nox" under her breath and threw her wand aside. It made a satisfying clatter as it hit the ground. Lily rolled onto her side, clutching the letter to her chest. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. _He'd known _she thought to herself as she slowly cried herself to sleep. 

~~

_Red Caps or Grindylows, both would be easy enough for a first year to tackle,_ Remus thought. It was after midnight and he sat awake in his living room, his copy of Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them open on his lap. No matter how many books he checked out on defense against the dark arts, it never changed. The dark creatures were supposed to be the easiest thing to teach a beginner to deal with. They all told him to leave curses until the third or at least the fourth year. However, none of the books suggested which creatures or curses to teach or where he might be able to obtain one without having to travel to Japan to capture a wild Kappa. Sighing, he picked up his copy of the Defense teacher's edition textbook. There was no address in the back, not even a Muggle telephone number. He flipped through the book again, stopping on the page that said, "Obtaining the Dark Creature." He'd already read it three times and every time it said the same thing. _We do not supply the creatures, but only the text in which to learn about them from._ Angrily, Remus threw the book across room. At least he knew where he could find a werewolf, seeing that the book said it was an appropriate creature to end the dark creatures' curriculum with. 

Remus put his head in his hands. He hadn't brought an easy task upon himself, yet he was determined to see it through to the best of his ability. He felt his eyes starting to close, telling him that he should go to sleep. For once, he obeyed and drifted off into a light slumber.

Twenty minutes later, a loud knocking on the front door woke him up. Startled, he jumped to his feet, the book sliding to the floor with a crash. Remus glanced at the clock. It was almost one in the morning. Nobody ever came that early, not unless they bore bad news. He quickly walked to the door and opened it, then almost slammed it in surprise. Instead of the ministry official he'd been expecting, Sirius Black stood at his front door. 

"Moony," he whispered. "I'm free. I'm out, they somehow found out that Peter was the Secret-Keeper, not me. Dumbledore came and got me out this morning. I need to stay here for a few nights, until things get settled," Sirius pushed his way past Remus and into the house. Remus followed him in a stunned silence, stopping only when Sirius came to a halt. 

"What is she doing here?" he asked, his voice low. Remus looked up. At the entrance to her room stood Lily, her face streaked with tears and her hands clutching a piece of parchment. 

"Sirius," she whispered. She stepped towards him, causing him to take a step backwards into Remus. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Sirius asked quietly, his voice containing a level of anger that Remus heard only when he was speaking about Snape. "Sorry that you kept me locked in Azkaban for eleven years? Sorry that you're here, betraying James' memory. You just got out and already you're hitting on one of his best friends. Whore," he turned his back on Lily. Remus looked over his shoulder at her. She had tears streaming down her face. "Moony, I would have expected better from you," he said, his voice full of disappointment. He quickly walked around Remus and towards the door. 

"Padfoot, wait," Remus yelled after him. "I'm not doing anything with Lily. She's simply staying here until the next term at Hogwarts starts in a week. Now before this gets blown too far out of proportion, I think that we all need to get some rest. Padfoot, you can take my bed. Lily, go back to the guest room. I'm staying out here." Surprisingly, the two both complied with what he had said. He watched as they both disappeared down the hall. It wasn't going to be an easy task, but somebody had to do it. Somebody was going to have to fix what had gone wrong. And most likely, once again, the task was going to fall to him.


	6. Actions Speak Louder

**Well… long writer's block. It took me nearly three years to update this. I'm going to try and finish this up this summer, but I offer no promises. This story is and always has been a AU. Although information in book five could have changed the outcome of this story, I'm choosing to ignore the prophecy and simply focus on Lily and her recovery.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter world.**

**Chapter Six**

**_Actions Speak Louder_**

In the perfect picture, sunlight would have shone through the window, awaking Lily from her slumber. Lily would have then gotten out of bed, humming perfectly in tune with the sparrows and robins that were perched on her windowsill. She would then make her way to the kitchen where a feast would be waiting and Sirius and Remus would be waiting there. Sirius would be ready to apologize for the mayhem he'd caused the other night. Remus would be standing next to him, proclaiming his undying love for her. Lily smiled in her sleep, temporarily forgetting why Sirius was mad at her in the first place. In the few moments before she remembered why she had gone to bed crying, Lily enjoyed a short moment of complete bliss.

Then she remembered.

The other nights argument came back to her full force. Sirius' accusations had hit her full force, just as the sunlight had brutally awoke her. Lily pushed her long hair out of her face and ran to the window, violently slamming the curtains shut. She looked at the floor, finding the parchment letter lying next to the bed. She picked it up and put it on top of the dresser, the hastily made up the bed, leaving the room with a lived-in yet still shabby look to it. She left the room, still wearing James' old t-shirt and sweat-pants, the clothes she slept in. She walked into the kitchen, not surprised to see nobody there. Sirius was always slept late when they'd been at Hogwarts, whether it be through a class or through breakfast, it usually didn't matter to him if he missed something. Remus was simply exhausted all the time, but it was rarely his fault. The previous night had probably worn him out. Lily felt her stomach give a slight pang when she realized that she had caused more trouble with him. Remus had enough on his hands; he didn't need her hysteria and Sirius' accusations on his hands.

_But he invited you,_ a voice nagged in her head. Lily tried to push Remus' pain out of her mind as she stumbled around the kitchen looking for coffee. Remus usually had a well blended mix of Muggle and Wizard foods. He always said that he kept the best of both worlds in his kitchen and Lily tended to agree with him. Lily finally found frozen coffee beans in his freezer and started over to the coffee maker. Along with his various Muggle utilities, Remus also had electricity installed. He claimed that it saved him time and energy.

As the coffee began to brew, Lily looked around the kitchen for anything that she would eat. She found a box of cereal in one of the cabinets and started eating it straight out of the box. She sat down in a chair and watched the coffee maker as it slowly hypnotized her with its slow drip. She didn't notice Sirius make his way into the kitchen until he had planted himself in the way of her view of the coffee maker.

"Lily," he stated. He grabbed the box out of her hand and took out a handful, expertly tossing the box back to her. She caught it and dug her hand back in as if it had never left.

"What?" she answered. She turned her head to look at him. Sirius had a ragged look to him. The eleven years in Azkaban hadn't agreed with him, but they also hadn't given him the look that it gave so many others. _Maybe it's because he was innocent_, a voice in her head whispered to her.

"Why did you do it? Why did you leave me there?" he asked. The question lacked Sirius' normal joking tone. His voice was full of the serious nature that he never seemed to have had before.

"I don't know. Maybe because I was on the brink of a nervous break down? I lost my husband and my child within six months of each other. You can image in I'd be upset." Lily told him, her voice holding a slightly sarcastic nature to it that hadn't been heard by anybody since her Hogwarts days.

"Eleven years, Lily?" Sirius said again, his voice bitter. "Eleven years? Yes, that would be honoring James' memory. Locking his _innocent_ best friend away for eleven years." He turned away from her. Lily felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She'd been warned that he wouldn't be that happy with her. She'd known all along. They had always told her that secrets were dangerous. This one had just been thrown back into her face.

"Do you hate me?" she whispered. Sirius turned towards her. She could tell that the question had caught him off guard. The anger slowly melted from his eyes and was replaced by forgiveness.

"How could I hate all I have left of him?" Sirius whispered. He turned towards Lily and wrapped her in a hug. "I can't hate you. I only hate what you did."

In the doorway, Remus smiled. He didn't have to play mediator after all.

The first September had been the hardest. She couldn't ever decide what to bring, what the other girls would bring, what they would be wearing under their robes. Did they like soccer or did they have some sort of wizarding sport? Did they read the novels that she had enjoyed and did they take the simple algebra and English classes that she'd been attending since first grade? Entering the wizarding world would be difficult. She had made a whole new life for herself the first time and now she had to do it all over again.

She hadn't really spread her stuff around the room that Remus had let her have, so packing was simple. All she had to do was put her robes and wand into her bag and she would be all set for the return trip to Hogwarts. She had spent her first three years there trying to find her place. Was it going to be like that all over again?

She pulled the parchment letter off of the floor and carefully placed it in her bag. She knew that James wouldn't have wanted her to throw her life away. He would have wanted her to get on with her life and enjoy it, just like he had. Lily picked up her bags and headed out to the front of the house where Remus and Sirius were waiting for her. Sirius had declined an offer from Dumbledore to take a position at Hogwarts, instead deciding to let the idea of his innocence sink in with the people before he was thrown at their children. Remus had offered him his house for as long as he wanted it and Sirius had gratefully accepted.

"Are you ready to go?" Remus asked. Lily looked at him and nodded then looked at Sirius. The week had gone by so quickly since their talk. Although things weren't the way they used to be, Sirius had gradually opened up to her. She'd begun to understand that the hell he'd been through for the last eleven years was similar to the private hell she'd put herself through.

"I'll miss you guys," Sirius said. Lily dropped her bags and he wrapped her in a big hug. "Don't do anything that would betray him," he whispered into Lily's ear, so quietly that Remus hadn't heard. Lily blushed and quickly pulled away from Sirius. He continued onto Remus, wrapping him in a hug. "I'll miss you, Moony."

"Let's go," Remus said. He pulled himself away from Sirius and walked to the front door and picked up his bags. Sirius opened the door and let the two out. "It better still be standing when I get back, Padfoot!" he yelled over his shoulder. Sirius laughed and shut the door. Remus began the walk to the train station, Lily trailing behind him.

"It's going to be so different now," she confided. Remus only nodded, his face holding a grim expression. Lily looked at him and then looked away. She could tell that he was upset about something, but she didn't really want to ask about what. He'd been there for so long, the only one to visit her in her St. Mungo's time. He'd been there for her for so long, she could grant him this moment of silence.

"We're here," Lily said awhile later when they arrived at the train station. Remus once again nodded. She bought two tickets that would take them to King's Crossing and led him to the train. The ride was going to take them twenty minutes, then the crossover to the Hogwarts Express would take a few moments. However, the ride to the castle itself would take hours. Lily pulled her bags onto the train and sat down in an empty seat, remembering the last time she'd ridden a train with Remus. She remembered the comforting feeling of his arm across her shoulder, then realized that Remus had chosen to sit in a different seat, far across the train from her.


End file.
